it's a WeeMee!

lol, i think these things are adorable. I made it as close to me as possible ^.^

Interesting icons...

Just a few of my faves :)

strange o.O

A man named William Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone: "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative.

He suggested the following; "Here Lies a Man who was BOTH honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:

"That's Strange!!"

lol. i thought it was funny, ok? :P

what would you do...

...if you were walking and saw this?



I must say I would lmao - then poke it to find out if it were real, which in this case it isn't :D

I'm back - and I'm staying

sooo, I've been on like...a year long sabbatical from all my blogs, but I've realized that I miss it and that hey, why not? So, I shall resume my methodically mad posts of things that I find amusing. Who knows, maybe some random person will stumble across this blog and crack a smile at least once. That would make me happy :) And, so I begin.

Hahaha, check out Justin Timberlake on SNL. I must say, he is quite funny.



LMAO! For anyone who likes Star Wars... or actually for anyone at all ^.^

:D

The two hottest guys in high school were Juan and Ahmahl, the twin sons of a Spanish mom and an Arabic dad. Every girl in school wanted to have sex with them. Two sisters were lucky enough to have some success in bedding the twins.

"I did it with Juan when we went out last night, and it was really nice," the younger sister said. "But I won't be really satisfied until I've had his brother, too."

The older sister rolled her eyes. "Hey, they're twins, and I've had them both. Take it from me, if you've fucked Juan, you've fucked Ahmahl."

lol

4 High School friends meet at their High School Reuion. The fourth Highschool dude goes to bathroom and the others start to talk about their sons...

Highschool Dude 1: "You know my son? I'm so proud of him 'cause he was so successful. He became so rich that he gave one of his best friends a 2-million dollar Mansion for free!"

Highschool Dude 2: "Really? My son's made me proud, too. He's became so rich from acting and gave his closest friend 2 free Hummer H2's."

Highschool Dude 3: "Even my son got rich! He won the 8 million-dollar Lotto, and he bought his friend a private yatch and plane."

>>The fourth Highschool Dude comes back from the bathroom and overhears them talking about their sons. So he began to tell them about his son.

Highschool Dude 4:" Yeah, well, my son hasn't been as successful like your sons have. He's gay and works at a gay stripping joint for a living."

Highschool Dude 1: "What a shame."

Highschool Dude 4: "No, not really. He lives in a 2-million dollar mansion, owns his own jet and yatch, and owns 2 Hummer H2's which were all given to him by 3 of his Ex-boyfriends."

If you understood this, repost (because we all know some people are a little slow).

food for thought...

Sex is like dominoes...if you don't have a good partner, you better have a strong hand.

:D

oh god :D

Rick met Suzanne at a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company all evening. When the club closed, Suz anne invited Rick back to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic romp in bed, together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed, snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Suzanne began tenderly stroking Rick's manhood.

Surprised but appreciative, Rick commented,
"Surely you can't be ready for more?"

"No," Suzanne replied, "but every now and
then, I get a little nostalgic and I miss the days when I had mine...."

sad, but true...

It's not difficult to make a woman happy
A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
54. give the authority but never expect her to be responsible
55. give her the last word no matter what the cost to your life
and limb

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: birthdays, anniversaries
arrangements she makes.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Fix him something to eat.

hehe :D

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

snow...

*sigh* if only Florida had snow. oh, the things that would be created...lol

Calvin and Hobbes: Snow Sculptures

all about the dirty jokes :P

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day
he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer.
After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he
leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He
tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar of
Vaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must be left
out in the rain.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love.
She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He
readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks
her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they
go in she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever
speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the
first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long
fifteen minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he
reaches over and kisses the
woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word...! Next he decides to take a more direct
approach so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front
of everyone. And still no one says a word...!!! Now he is getting
desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They
have even wilder sex. But no one says a word...!!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next
when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to
protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and
pulls out the Vaseline. And the father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do
the dishes.

_______________________________________________________

A man walked into a bar. There, he saw a beautiful,
smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.
Approaching her he said, "Hello there gorgeous. How
are you?"

Having already had a few power drinks, she turned
around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and
said, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere,
your place, my place, front door, back door, it
doesn't matter. I've been doing it since I got out of
college. I just flat ass love it."

Eyes wide with interest, he said, "No kidding? I'm a
lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

_______________________________________________________

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he
kept in the hen house behind the church.
But one Saturday night the cock went missing!!!
The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to
question his parishoners in the church the next morning.

During mass, he ask the congregation. "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.
"No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant ...."

"Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant!"

"Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no" he said, "that wasn't what I meant."

"Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

what a sad, sad world...

" For your information, a couple of weeks ago, in the Odean cinema, a person sat on something sharp in one of the seats. When she stood up to see what it was, a needle was found poking through the seat with a note attached saying, "you have been infected with HIV".
The centre for Disease Control in Birmingham, reports similar events have taken place in several other cities recently. ALL of the needles tested HAVE been found positive for HIV. The CDC also reports that needles have been found in the coin return areas of pay phones and coke machines.
Everyone is asked to use extreme caution when confronted with these types of situtions. All public chairs should be throughly but safely inspected prior to any use. Further more, they ask that everyone notify their family and friends of the potential dangers, as well."

if only you could take it back...

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
word back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did...


FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in awhile, so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly
choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any... a true story...
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

5 Important Lessons

1st Important Lesson - Always know those around you


During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the
school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her
name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is
smile and say "hello."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.


2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.
She seemed t o be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached..
It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.



3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he
inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
was one quarter, two dimes and five pennies.
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.



4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.


5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will
save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.


Think about them, and remember them...

and you thought americans were smart?

don't kid yourselves...

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=940



:D

1000 pageviews!!!

1000 pageveiws on my artsite!!!! I'm so happy. you can add to it by visting...

www.mizscience.deviantart.com

tsk, tsk: bad little old lady... (hehe)

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings
account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's
office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman
replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president "I bet you $25,000 that my
testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

procrastination = life after dark

[x] = yes
[/] = sort of
comments in (parentheses)--

[x] I have a cell phone. call me ;) lol
[ ] I am obsessed with having my shoes match my outfit.
[ ] I'm the youngest child.
[ ] I am a boy.
[/] I love wearing dangly earrings.
[ ] I am a gemini.
[/] I'm obsessed with dogs.
[ ] I can't live without lipgloss.
[x] I can't live without music.
[x] I lived in a different state in the U.S. before.
[ ] I get an allowance.
[ ] I want to be in high school forever.
[ ] I've seen Jason Mraz in person.
[/] I get annoyed easily. (lol, sometimes)
[x] I eventually want kids.
[x] I love to read.
[/] I have more than a couple horrible memories.
[x] I am addicted to the Disney Channel/Disney movies. (heck yes!)
[x] I am a girl.
[/] I'm a worried person.
[x] I'm in high school.
[xxxxxx] I love taking pictures. (hehe)
[x] I like to swim.
[/] My dreams are sometimes weird. [now, do you mean, dreams or fantasies... ;D]
[ ] One of my friends is gay. (none that i know of/told me...)
[x] I dress how I feel that day.
[ ] I've never fallen asleep during school. (are you kidding?!?!?)
[ ] Sometimes I cry for almost no reason.
[x] Sometimes it bugs me when people are really late. (grrr)
[x] I procrastinate. (hahaha!)
[x] I love autumn. (best season!)
[ ] I have too many clothes.
[x] I like to sleep in.
[ ] I've failed a class in high school.
[/] I'm afraid of spiders. (big ugly ones = *shudder*)
[ ] I have nail polish on my fingernails or toe nails right now.
[x] I've watched the O.C.
[/] I love my hair. (i like the color)
[ ] I never fight with my parents. (...)
[x] I like the beach. (good times...)
[ ] I have never had the chicken pox.
[x] I'm excited for the future. (hell yeah)
[x] I have family out of state.
[x] I can't wait till my birthday. [16!!! (finally...)]
[ ] I love the show Rich Girls (never even heard of it...)
[x] I love my friends. (with all my heart)
[/] Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. (...)
[ ] I can be very insecure all the time.
[x] I have never broken a bone.
[x] I have a laptop.
[x] I love people that love music. [:D]
[/] I state the obvious sometimes just to reassure myself. (haha, yes, that's the reason...)
[x] I dance randomly sometimes.
[?] I'm a good singer. (ummm, idk? i just like to sing...)
[x] I am right handed.
[/] I sometimes like cleaning my room. (i like finding things from like 3rd grade...those are the best)
[ ] I'm taking german class.
[/] I never get jealous. (most of the time i don't. seriously)
[x] I love cute underwear/thongs. hehe ;)
[/] I love doing math. (when i understand what i'm doing)
[ ] I cry when I see homeless people.
[x] I like hugs. :)
[x] I don't like to study for tests. (does anybody?)
[x] I love God.
[/] I play soccer on a team.
[x] I am too forgiving sometimes.
[/] I love high school.
[ ] I love the color pink more than the rest.
[/] I love to sew. (what? it can be fun...lol)
[ ] I have blue eyes.
[/] I like being a passenger in vehicles at nighttime. [ummm, ok? i'd rather be driving. or doing stuff in the backseat with...well, he know who he is... :D]
[/] I become stressed easily.
[ ] I've never lied.
[x] I like comfy sweatpants.
[x] I love the rain. esp. when i'm inside & the radio is playing & i'm snuggled in bed
[/] I hate getting shots.
[/] I'm a perfectionist. (not as much as i used to be...)
[x] I like going on rides.
[ ] I've gone mooning. (not yet...lol)
[x] I hate the feeling of failure.
[ ] I have my own vehicle.
[/] I love camping.
[/] I can be quite shy. (when i first meet people, or don't know anybody...)
[x] There's something I will never forget, either because I can't or because I just don't want to.
[x] I love looking at pictures.
[x] I love music.
[/] I do well in school. (ap chem's a bizzatch...)
[x] I get a lot of e-mail.
[x] I like hot tubs.
[/] I like to be alone sometimes. (much rather company...)